10 months.

today, the 7th day of october, marks 10 months since Campbell has been gone.

10. ten. t-e-n.

for real?

has my precious baby girl been gone for almost a YEAR?

has my brain conveniently erased this past year? because i feel as if i have no real recollection of it.

yeah, it seems that way.

i think i could repeat it over and over until im blue in the face and still be in denial that it has been this long.

the truth is, our life as changed so much in the past 10 months that words cannot even begin to hold on to what it feels like, or what it IS like.

its too long. thats for damn sure. its forever, it feels like to me. and 6 freaking days wasnt long enough. i would have preferred always. there is no time limit on always.

one year ago today, my good friend katie and i were landing in new york city, for a delightful girls weekend. and i was uncomfortable pregnant-swollen feet jammed in to boots and all. and i was filled with thoughts of when i could bring Campbell back for a girls trip one day. and go to the american girl doll house (ive never been!). i had no idea what was about to hit. the giant suck that was coming.

today i wanted to post a picture of Campbell and i together. together in new york. because i like to remember being there, her and i, and not worrying. and not being sad. and not missing her desperately because she was still in me. protected and safe.

but now she is safer than i ever could have made her. with her Heavenly Father. nothing on earth can compare to where she is now. and i know that.

but im still allowed to say this sucks.