that moment when your little baby turns in to a kid.

and then you realize you are a really cheesy mom for taking above photo.

and then you realize its been like 2 months since you blogged.

and probably no one reads this.

yay!

but really, i cannot believe he is 6.

my first little baby.

i remember when i used to say "one day he will talk and lose teeth and be in KINDERGARTEN"

and look at that, he is all of those things.

happy birthday my sweet boy/kid.

i love you and every loose tooth in your mouth (there are 3)

also, i do a bit of this now.

Rory Hanson

like the good mom that i am, im telling the blog world about my newborn child...a month late. ah hell, he will never know ;)

BORN!

 july 18, 2013- just as planned.

7 lbs 4 oz

19 3/4 in (our longest baby yet!)

and looks like me to boot!

Rory boy, welcome to the family babe.

photo by sarah morris (soon to be carson!) of 1313 photography.

because she is the best :)

yoga is saving my life.

so, its two weeks and a day to baby. but i mean, WHOS counting?

about a week and a half ago i started have the worst back pain ever. like, i could hardly walk.

so ironic, i thought, because this pregnancy has been my fittest, healthiest pregnancy.

with me paying special attention to my back and shoulders...

and now i cant walk without crying. 

so ive turned to yoga.

30 minutes a day and i can walk without tears.

hooooooray.

now lets have a friggin baby!

and while on that whole baby subject, darby took some "boudoir" (as much as i would allow) pregnancy pictures of me (because she is half blind and could stomach it) back in april and im kind of glad i have them.

i dont know if this will be my last pregnancy...

we would like to adopt eventually...

but if it is, i have beautiful pictures of me during it. 

thanks darbalish.

and yes, i realize it is a tiny bit odd that im a little cleavagey and whatever in these but hey, its my blog right? 

right.

all photos by darby musha (she is so sneaky you will have to ask me for her info, which you should)

peanut is 2.

today is that little peanut on the rights 2nd birthday.

like every mother has ever said, my how time flies.

but seriously, it does.

it has.

it is. 

flyyying.

carrick james, you are the silliest, sweetest, most amazing little peanut and we love you to bits.

though you are in an extremely "2" phase, you make up for it with good snuggling and pretty cute apologies for hitting or kicking us.

im not entirely sure how you are going to handle this new baby brother of yours.

on one hand, you loooove babies. 

but on the other, you can be a teensy bit possessive of me and your ahem, toys.

i guess we shall see sweet boy.

happy happy day.

you make our family that much better everyday.

i love you to the moon.

and back.

our little family.

it would be lying if i said i hadnt been "inspired to blog" lately. im actually feeling full of inspiration (more lack of energy at this point) and my brain/body are in full nesting mode. but really, before we embark on adding another little body of testosterone to this household, im trying to really just enjoy our family as it is now. we have this flow going, a good routine and jeffrey and i feel like we've "got this". hahaha i laugh because of course right when we feel that way, its alllllll about to change. anyways, here are some of my favorite shots that sarah, ashley and reagan took back in february. our family as it is now- 4 here, 1 in heaven and one growing. 

ps- go here for our family photos from last year!

seriously, i love these boys.

all photos by 1313 photography 

100 Layer Cakelet Feature

Well, my back in the saddle routine is a bit rusty. Im just feeling like I am out of practice? Nothing seems interesting enough to blog about! But then! There is! LOOK!

Sarah asked us to do a little family shoot (which as I am pregnant I would normally refuse but I wanted pictures of the boys so badly) and it was featured on one of the cutest family/kids blogs, 100 Layer Cakelet! Obviously it is so fun to be on there but I really am just so grateful for these captured memories of our growing family... Thanks Sarah and Ashley and Reagan!!

all photos by sarah, ashley and reagan of 1313 photography

my eldest boy.

turned 5 yesterday.

he challenges me in ways i never knew possible as a mom,

and i love him to the moon.

happy birthday jacksy bear.

photo by sarah morris of 1313 photography

can i just tell you...

that my baby is 15 months.

well, technically 15 months and 5 days but thats only because im a slow turtle.

carrick is truly on his way to toddlerhood (its a word, i swear)

and is an excellent fit thrower, has begun hitting and laughing about it and proudly fights back with his brother.

thats not to say that he isnt the softest, most lovable little munchkin still.

he totally is.

a few things about our kiddo:

instead of saying hi, he now always says "hewooo!"

this kid always wants to be outside

he is still crazy over Jackson- whenever he wakes up he immediately calls out Jacksons name and goes looking for him

still. freaking. nursing. (working on it bc for me it seems like 15 months is enough)

loves to "color" 

pulls himself on to the couch with his blankie (who he looooves) and a book and sits looking at the book for a good 5 minutes. i die.

he is practically an artist. see?

carricks red white and blue birthday

last saturday we celebrated our little one year old with a very rainy red white and blue party.

(totally inspired by laura of ascot friday)

like any one year old, he wasnt super in to it but we had family and friends over who celebrated this little munchkin with us...

one year.

note: his birthday was yesterday and i didnt get a chance to post this. just one of those notimetodomuchbutlifedays...

carrick james, today you are one.

your first day in this world wasnt quite as smooth and welcoming as i had hoped, but you have endured.

you are the sweetest, happiest little boy and i will cherish the way you snuggle on me.

i know that God gave you to us, not only to bless our lives but to pull us out of the depths of our sadness after losing your sister.

what a vessel for joy you are.

those big brown eyes always twinkling and capturing my heart.

you have a brother who (mostly) adores you.

a father who you think hung the moon.

and a mother who cannot believe your sweetness.

we love you so much carrick...

happy first birthday my little one!!

(and now, a true montage of pictures...)

7 days old

 4 months old

 6 months old

 8 months old (photo by sarah morris, 1313 photography)

 10 months

 today! you are one! and i cant believe it!

on being a parent

when you "sign up" to have a baby, i feel most people dont realize that you also become a parent.

not in the actual sense of the word but in a 

now-i-have-to-not-mess-this-kid-up-and-i-should-read-some-books-because-discipline-is-real

sort of way.

plus you have all the "im going to do it better than my parents" idealisms in your head...

and when your eldest child is a mini version of your husband but and emotional clone of yourself...

you wish you would have read the books sooner.

we have come to a point where i have to choose not to fall apart, just because he is.

and it is hard.

i know he wont be 4 forever.

 i love this kid more than words.

and praying for strength and wisdom to be his mother-

a good, creative, nurturing, loving, compassionate and godly mother- 

is becoming my new hobby. :)

weekender

it seems so unbelievably boring to post about a weekend that is only spent cleaning the house an running errands, so thats why the past few have been exempt.

this weekend, however, felt like we were running around like decapitated chickens.

saturday we drove down to the middle of nowhere florida for jeffreys work picnic.

he works at a mine (in an office) so all the kids got hard hats and dug for fossils, jackson was in heaven.

did i mention sno cones?

oh yes, sno cones.

straight after the picnic we drove up to orlando for my sisters first prom.

nothing like a good drama filled prom afternoon to remind me why i am so glad im not 16 anymore right?

except for the pre baby body, the careless lifestyle and the no responsibility!

she looked beautiful in my moms vintage dress!

sunday was filled with errands, a missed morning at church but quiet time for me, a super fun birthday party, dinner with the in laws, grey sea salt brownies (tune in wednesday) and this semi chubby munchkin.

how was your weekend?

10...a big fat hen.

its been a week of good intentions that have generally failed quite miserably and now, as the sun sets on the work week- we are left utterly exhausted.

besides needing a nap (and choosing to blog instead of taking one) today, it is also the tenth month of my small baby boys birth.

ten months since i went in to labor at chipotle and couldnt eat my veggie burrito bowl (such a waste).

ten months since they tried to stop my labor but you decided to come anyways.

ten months since your sweet and tiny face was pressed against mine for the first time.

ten months with you, cutie.

the last time i recalled ten months since the birth of my child was ten months without Campbell.

its hard to see how much time has gone by and how much our life has changed.

there are moments in each day where it hits me hard; we are continually moving forward without her.

carrick will never know his big sister.

jackson still "remembers" her and we talk about her freely and often, but the more we grow and change, the further from her life i feel we go.

which is true, its just not ideal.

and then i look at this sweet face and i am overwhelmed with gratefulness.

and his health, and happiness and how he lights up our home.

so to you carrick james, happy ten months bubs!

and to my sweet campbell, i miss you desperately and wish you could meet your baby brother.

i love you both,

mom

weekender {easter edition}

happy easter!

i hope you had a wonderful passover, good friday and easter He is Risen!

we were back and forth between beach, birthday parties, a movie date night that included running out of the theatre when baby was awake and in need then going right back an hour later (free babysitting!), celebrating my moms birthday with some lunch, shopping and cupcakes, a certain little brother learning to pull up, delicious roasted eggplant dip, outdoor haircuts, jbear having some serious meltdowns but rebounding with a money filled egg hunt.

we all slept in this morning and had a little pizza lunch date.

a busy weekend followed by a slow start monday, ill take it.

(not pictured: husband, older child, mother and any other person we interacted with. oops)

good friday.

photo by sarah morris of 1313

oh man, time is flying. i dont even know what im doing; wake up, school, dishes, laundry, nursing, errands just the normal stuff but it seems to be sucking the day out of my time the past two weeks. anyways, tomorrow is Good Friday and my mom and friend sarah birthdays! i am just popping in to say hello and happy Easter to you and that next week will be back to "normal"*.

*and if you cant ride the un-normal that is this blog, sorry.

we are a family.

a few weeks ago, my great friend sarah come to lakeland.

we drank copious amounts of coffee, laughed a ton (as usual), and she happily ate my quinoa, raw veggie and sprouted lentil- mistake of a meal. 

sarah is one of my most honest and genuinely treasured friends.

(do i sound like an old lady?ehhhh, oh well)

she is so talented and the fact that we had fun with a 4 year old and 8 month old doing this, shows just how good she is.

hire her ;)

did i mention she is single?

and now, for your viewing (pleasure?).

i am so thankful to have these. 

go here to see more.

and thank you sarah, we love you!

9.

today this little munchkin is 9 months old.

what?!

carrick, you have filled our home with joy these past nine months.

your adorably goofy teeth make me melt every time you smile.

you think your dad hung the flippin moon

and that your brother is the funniest person in the world.

you are my happy, crawling little snugglebug 

and we love you to bits.

happy 9 months munchkin!

love, mama (which you say!)

weekender {spring break edition}

this past week was jacksons "spring break" ( its only pre school so he isnt dying for a break from his academia or anything) and for me, that has always signaled the beginning of beach season which really means; time to relax and act like its summer!

so i took a little blogging break and we got busy being spring break-y!

next year, of course i will take them down to miami to troll for ladies but this year, well it just didnt seem appropriate. (joke!)

we started off the week with beignets from the poor porker

went "hiking" and fishing with skallie

hit up st pete beach with some friends

hung out at my parents house and returned to the pool!

went strawberry picking with our neighbors

celebrated st patrick day (its practically my dads day!) with a bbq

swam some more

then grilled out at home

all in all, a pretty great flippin week!

you are the best thing.

image via pinterest

yesterday was not my best day. it was a day of meltdowns, carrick rolled off of the changing table with my hand on him! i caught him, thank the Lord but it was after a long long day and i fell apart. jeffrey walked in to chicken burning on the stove, jackson screaming and me crying and clutching carrick (who was happy and smiling)
so this morning i decided to start the day right. after we took jbear to preschool, i put baby down for a nap and had a quiet time. i prayed for patience and was reminded of what i am. i am a mother. i get to raise to amazing, brown eyed little boys. what a gift!
as i was closing my eyes and thinking of my sweet girl,  i remembered what kind of mother i always used to say i would be. an adventurer. jeffrey and i have always been adventurers. our whole marriage has been an adventure and i want to instill that in my boys.
and then a sweet coo called to me from the kiddos room. the days adventure was here. a day to smile, learn, laugh and have fun. to get dirty!
so carrick and i are jamming to ray lamontagne's "you are the best thing" and im thinking- yeah, they really are.

weekender.

this weekend carrick, my mom and myself made the three hour trek down to ft lauderdale to collaborate on a styled shoot with my bf sarah and ashley and philip (and yessy!) of 1313 Photography . we had a grand time and the shoot turned out beautifully!

i do have to give a round of applause for mothers who do styling/flowers with a baby in tow. how?! if my mom hadnt been there and carrick hadnt instantly bro'd up with philip and the baby bjorn had not been invented, i would have been lost! i guess ill just have to work on it...

 here is a little peeky...obviously 1313 did a way better job than my iphone did but....

after a work day all day saturday we got some pei wei, opened a bottle of wine and relaxed. you always forget how great it is to catch up with a friend in person, not just the phone.

sunday, we brunch at le bonne crepe on los olas blvd in ft laud.

so delicious.