20.4.12

10...a big fat hen.


its been a week of good intentions that have generally failed quite miserably and now, as the sun sets on the work week- we are left utterly exhausted.
besides needing a nap (and choosing to blog instead of taking one) today, it is also the tenth month of my small baby boys birth.
ten months since i went in to labor at chipotle and couldnt eat my veggie burrito bowl (such a waste).
ten months since they tried to stop my labor but you decided to come anyways.
ten months since your sweet and tiny face was pressed against mine for the first time.
ten months with you, cutie.
the last time i recalled ten months since the birth of my child was ten months without Campbell.
its hard to see how much time has gone by and how much our life has changed.
there are moments in each day where it hits me hard; we are continually moving forward without her.
carrick will never know his big sister.
jackson still "remembers" her and we talk about her freely and often, but the more we grow and change, the further from her life i feel we go.
which is true, its just not ideal.
and then i look at this sweet face and i am overwhelmed with gratefulness.
and his health, and happiness and how he lights up our home.
so to you carrick james, happy ten months bubs!
and to my sweet campbell, i miss you desperately and wish you could meet your baby brother.
i love you both,
mom

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