on being a parent

when you "sign up" to have a baby, i feel most people dont realize that you also become a parent.

not in the actual sense of the word but in a 

now-i-have-to-not-mess-this-kid-up-and-i-should-read-some-books-because-discipline-is-real

sort of way.

plus you have all the "im going to do it better than my parents" idealisms in your head...

and when your eldest child is a mini version of your husband but and emotional clone of yourself...

you wish you would have read the books sooner.

we have come to a point where i have to choose not to fall apart, just because he is.

and it is hard.

i know he wont be 4 forever.

 i love this kid more than words.

and praying for strength and wisdom to be his mother-

a good, creative, nurturing, loving, compassionate and godly mother- 

is becoming my new hobby. :)