lately ive been a lot of things. ive been a terrible blogger. almost as bad as the pen pal that i am. ive been tired. ive been hungry. ive been hot. ive been happy. ive been angry. ive been impatient. and ive been feeling lost.
im fairly certain that feeling lost is a lifetime struggle; whether it is finding yourself, your way or your way back, we are constantly searching for something. my thoughts regress a little to this time in my life (above). i had no idea who i was but i knew everything that i wanted. which, of course is nothing that i have. funny, isnt it?
i wanted to be a radical. i wanted to shake it up and go crazy but be known for being out there. my role models were all deceased authors or musicians who had offed themselves. so yeah, i was a little more lost then than i am now but still, i cant help but wonder who i am.
so, i listen to all my old music and think of all my old clothes and then i laugh. because who i was then is still who i am now i am merely trusting. i am trusting that God will provide for my wonderful family and for myself and since he knows me and created me, he will delight in me and who i am. which means, that no matter how much i think about it or try to revert back or change or sulk, im just right. so all i have to do is follow Him.
and since ive been a lot of things lately...
perhaps then, i should take a nap.