my new today.

she is precious. she opened her eyes when they let me see her,
 i think to let me know she knew i was her mommy.

today i hate my life. today i dont care about anything. today my baby girl would be two weeks old. instead, she is dancing with Jesus. and her tiny, precious little body is resting in a white box. the past two weeks have been the most surreal weeks of my life and i have never felt more detached from reality and from the person that i was just 14 days ago.

dear campbell,
mommy misses you more than you will ever know. more than you would be able to imagine. the 6 days we had with you were some of the most special days of my life and everyone who got to meet you or know about you, misses you and knows what a special girl you were. i know that right now you are running and smiling and nothing hurts anymore. you can take a deep breath and you will never be hungry again. i take great comfort in that and i cannot wait for the day when i can see you again.


today one of my friends had her baby girl. i feel like i died all over again when she told me. i am a horrible friend.

this blog may return to what it once was. or at least along those lines. but for now, bear with me as my (and my husbands and our family's) sorrow will often be expressed here. it has taken new form, as Campbell Joye Insalaco has with her Heavenly Father, and as i have, as a mother who has lost her baby girl.


  1. Matt and I have been and will continue to be praying for you, Jeff, and Jackson. Campbell was such a precious, beautiful tiny girl and I can't wait to meet her in heaven. :) Please let us know if there is anything AT ALL you need.

  2. I do not know you nor do I know how I stumbled apon this blog nor do I know what exactly made me scroll down to THIS blog and read it from top to bottom. I don't know what to say to you about what you are feeling, I wish I was something of a brilliant person that could say something that made you feel ten times better and help you through this hard time, but I don't know what to say. But I would like to tell you that you inspired me. By the things you said here and the strength you had to say them. I recently went through something like this. I lost someone that was my breath and my happiness and my world. Although I did not lose them in the way you lost you baby girl. It hurt me to the point were I wouldn't get out of bed, I would talk to anyone, I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. And it still hurts, and there is not a day that goes by I don't cry but I believe in my heart that God puts us through this for a reason. I had no husband to be there for me, or anyone that seemed to want to help me through it or hold me while I cried. But in the end I really should feel special for doing all that we could and letting God place this burden on our hearts. Because the truth is whenever we truely are happy again, we will appreciate happiness like no one else. You know the true value of life now. And I will pray for you, I truely will.

  3. Kathleen, Campbell is GORGEOUS and BEAUTIFUL and totally awesome in her "Pre-me-ness"......I love her and I love you so very much I just can't express the full ness of love I feel for you and your baby! tracy