some thoughts in letter form.

dear lady at the park,

im not sure if you are the mother or the babysitter of the child you bring to the park most everyday but really, you need to get off that damn phone. because really it shouldnt be me who takes the trash of your childs mouth and it shouldnt be me who catches him right before he pushes himself and your stroller off of the edge of the path. and really, who the hell are you texting for 45 minutes STRAIGHT?! and also, one more thing, you are white and that baby is adorable but he is asian so either a) you are an adoptive mother who is neglecting your child or b) you are the shittiest babysitter in the world and i want to follow you back to the house one day and tell that kids parents to fire you. that is all

dear lady at target who was trying to be my friend,

sometimes i dont have a brain and i forgot to reciprocate the same mommy-type questions back, about your child. i was a little thrown off by the fact that we were wearing the EXACT same outfit (black GAP tshirt and khacki GAP cargo pants, literally the SAME) and then when you asked if little bear was my only child, i froze. i didnt mean to lie to you (im still recovering from the fact that i did, i am horrible) and then quickly walk away crying. because really, you seemed nice, and we could be friends. buuut dont give your kid chips ahoy cookies anymore, please.

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