thankful with a grieving heart.

well, thanksgiving was a success. i got down and dirty with the bird and even went under the skin with my herb butter. im so hardcore. haha.
but really, it was great. beautiful weather, a great time with family and plenty of food. 

last weekend, jeffrey went up to THE game (thats fsu v uf for those that dont know...also we CRUSHED them, go noles!) and jbear and i stayed in otown with my family. as we were all relaxing and enjoying ourselves i thought about thanksgiving last year. 
and all the anxiety that surrounded the holiday.
and our sweet little Campbell that was born just a few days later.
that day being tomorrow.

tomorrow is my daughters 1st birthday.
its still so beyond comprehension that she isnt here.
that she isnt walking, or babbling, or rolling, or eating.
tonight we are heading up to tallahassee for her birthday.

i think whats hardest about this first birthday (besides the obvious) is figuring out how to not dwell on the aching and the sadness.
she is in heaven. 
its a gajillion million times better than here or anywhere we could ever imagine!
and we had 6 days with her.
6 days!
we could have never met her, and that would have been even more devastating.
so tomorrow we are going to take our sweet girl some flowers and send up some balloons and tell her happy birthday.
and thank the Lord that she was given to us.
to US.

so if you have a free second tomorrow and you need something to do, maybe you could pray for us?
because im being a little more brave now than i will be tomorrow.
and thank you so much for those who still pray and think of our family often.
it means so much to us and i, especially am so thankful.


  1. Hey Kathleen,

    Not sure if you even remember me, but you once wrote down your blog address and gave it to me (when the munchkins were all small and cute and didn't have opinions). I stumbled on it while cleaning out some baby stuff the other day and thought of you and your family.

    I will be praying for you and your family throughout the day tomorrow.

    BTW, and I know this has nothing to do with the hardness of this week, I love your blog. I love the way that you write in this stream of consciousness, it's awesome and I just thought you should know.

  2. love the pic of you with the bird. you look fearless and totally in control. me, on the other hand, would be completely freaked out about being under the skin of a dead animal, and also cooking Thanksgiving dinner for the whole fam. i'll be praying for you and jeff tomorrow. love you guys.