that moment when your little baby turns in to a kid.

and then you realize you are a really cheesy mom for taking above photo.

and then you realize its been like 2 months since you blogged.

and probably no one reads this.

yay!

but really, i cannot believe he is 6.

my first little baby.

i remember when i used to say "one day he will talk and lose teeth and be in KINDERGARTEN"

and look at that, he is all of those things.

happy birthday my sweet boy/kid.

i love you and every loose tooth in your mouth (there are 3)

also, i do a bit of this now.

yoga is saving my life.

so, its two weeks and a day to baby. but i mean, WHOS counting?

about a week and a half ago i started have the worst back pain ever. like, i could hardly walk.

so ironic, i thought, because this pregnancy has been my fittest, healthiest pregnancy.

with me paying special attention to my back and shoulders...

and now i cant walk without crying. 

so ive turned to yoga.

30 minutes a day and i can walk without tears.

hooooooray.

now lets have a friggin baby!

and while on that whole baby subject, darby took some "boudoir" (as much as i would allow) pregnancy pictures of me (because she is half blind and could stomach it) back in april and im kind of glad i have them.

i dont know if this will be my last pregnancy...

we would like to adopt eventually...

but if it is, i have beautiful pictures of me during it. 

thanks darbalish.

and yes, i realize it is a tiny bit odd that im a little cleavagey and whatever in these but hey, its my blog right? 

right.

all photos by darby musha (she is so sneaky you will have to ask me for her info, which you should)

peanut is 2.

today is that little peanut on the rights 2nd birthday.

like every mother has ever said, my how time flies.

but seriously, it does.

it has.

it is. 

flyyying.

carrick james, you are the silliest, sweetest, most amazing little peanut and we love you to bits.

though you are in an extremely "2" phase, you make up for it with good snuggling and pretty cute apologies for hitting or kicking us.

im not entirely sure how you are going to handle this new baby brother of yours.

on one hand, you loooove babies. 

but on the other, you can be a teensy bit possessive of me and your ahem, toys.

i guess we shall see sweet boy.

happy happy day.

you make our family that much better everyday.

i love you to the moon.

and back.

trash to treasure, yo.

you guys, after a seriously long and pretty crappy day last week, jeffrey and i took the boys downtown for pizza and then drove around the lake, looking for homes like we always do. and some silly person had gone through their garage (treasure trove) and thrown out furniture! and, to be honest, a lot of other crap too (floppy disks!) and i found me a something that i liked!
we had been "needing" (its all relative) a sideboard/buffet type thing in the dining room for a steal, aka free, and this piece fit the bill. so i went to lowe's, grabbed some paint, rifled through my knob collection to come up with a random assortment of clearance anthro knobs that i seem to accumulate and the hubs painted it for me. what a winner, am i right?
so, here she is. literal trash to treasure! and yes, it houses the lego police station- it must be protected from little brother.

100 Layer Cakelet Feature

Well, my back in the saddle routine is a bit rusty. Im just feeling like I am out of practice? Nothing seems interesting enough to blog about! But then! There is! LOOK!

Sarah asked us to do a little family shoot (which as I am pregnant I would normally refuse but I wanted pictures of the boys so badly) and it was featured on one of the cutest family/kids blogs, 100 Layer Cakelet! Obviously it is so fun to be on there but I really am just so grateful for these captured memories of our growing family... Thanks Sarah and Ashley and Reagan!!

all photos by sarah, ashley and reagan of 1313 photography

baby sister.

my baby sister turns 17 today.

happy birthday boo.

she is totes cutes guys.

photo by chloe purpero (stolen from facebook)

can i just tell you...

that my baby is 15 months.

well, technically 15 months and 5 days but thats only because im a slow turtle.

carrick is truly on his way to toddlerhood (its a word, i swear)

and is an excellent fit thrower, has begun hitting and laughing about it and proudly fights back with his brother.

thats not to say that he isnt the softest, most lovable little munchkin still.

he totally is.

a few things about our kiddo:

instead of saying hi, he now always says "hewooo!"

this kid always wants to be outside

he is still crazy over Jackson- whenever he wakes up he immediately calls out Jacksons name and goes looking for him

still. freaking. nursing. (working on it bc for me it seems like 15 months is enough)

loves to "color" 

pulls himself on to the couch with his blankie (who he looooves) and a book and sits looking at the book for a good 5 minutes. i die.

he is practically an artist. see?

5.

this weekend, i will have been married 5 years to that ^ guy.

lucky me.

for real.

in our 5 years of marriage, we have experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of the lows.

but jeffrey, i couldnt think of anyone i would rather be doing life with.

i love you everyday.

happy anniversary!

alpenaorbust

this summer we went on vacation with jeffreys family.

all of his family, was born and raised in michigan.

they have all since, moved to other delightful places but we thought, hey!

lets go back and see this beautiful place!

(i had never been)

and it was really, truly great.

first, the road trip.

thats right, 24 fun filled hours in my mother in laws odyssey.

all i can say is, thank goodness i didnt have to drive.

.

 an early morning visit t detroit rockcity! 

this began our vacation of eating.

we had delicious greek pastries and a sketchy real breakfast then made our way to rochester hills...

 where we began the drinking (and more eating).

after a massive whole foods trip with my sister in law and seriously jamming out to some xm radio air musique (thank you canada!)

we headed north to the lake house...

where there was a lot of manliness...

a lot of geronimoes...

and a lot, a lot of fires and fun.

we fished, we swam, we went to mackinac island which was beautiful and while there we visited the old fort and somebody learned to walk...(that face is so bizarre and yet so endearing- probably because of the snorting it accompanies)

on the way home we stopped through ann arbor and jeffrey and i are in love.

it may have made it on to our "possible places to live" list.

okay, it definitely did.

what have you been doing this summer?

carricks red white and blue birthday

last saturday we celebrated our little one year old with a very rainy red white and blue party.

(totally inspired by laura of ascot friday)

like any one year old, he wasnt super in to it but we had family and friends over who celebrated this little munchkin with us...

25.

yesterday was my birthday. (whats with the day after birthday posts?)

25 years of life.

jeffrey is out of town for business so the boys and i are hanging out with my parents and sister.

it was a good day;

run in the am, eggs bene and mimosas for brunch, a little thrifting, starbucks, mellow mushroom, and an attempt at getting my sisters nose pierced.

we laughed a lot.

and i am so thankful that this year, my birthday wasnt spent in a hospital with my baby :)

so thank you for all the calls, texts and love sent for my birthday.

i felt super special :)

one year.

note: his birthday was yesterday and i didnt get a chance to post this. just one of those notimetodomuchbutlifedays...

carrick james, today you are one.

your first day in this world wasnt quite as smooth and welcoming as i had hoped, but you have endured.

you are the sweetest, happiest little boy and i will cherish the way you snuggle on me.

i know that God gave you to us, not only to bless our lives but to pull us out of the depths of our sadness after losing your sister.

what a vessel for joy you are.

those big brown eyes always twinkling and capturing my heart.

you have a brother who (mostly) adores you.

a father who you think hung the moon.

and a mother who cannot believe your sweetness.

we love you so much carrick...

happy first birthday my little one!!

(and now, a true montage of pictures...)

7 days old

 4 months old

 6 months old

 8 months old (photo by sarah morris, 1313 photography)

 10 months

 today! you are one! and i cant believe it!

on being a parent

when you "sign up" to have a baby, i feel most people dont realize that you also become a parent.

not in the actual sense of the word but in a 

now-i-have-to-not-mess-this-kid-up-and-i-should-read-some-books-because-discipline-is-real

sort of way.

plus you have all the "im going to do it better than my parents" idealisms in your head...

and when your eldest child is a mini version of your husband but and emotional clone of yourself...

you wish you would have read the books sooner.

we have come to a point where i have to choose not to fall apart, just because he is.

and it is hard.

i know he wont be 4 forever.

 i love this kid more than words.

and praying for strength and wisdom to be his mother-

a good, creative, nurturing, loving, compassionate and godly mother- 

is becoming my new hobby. :)

10...a big fat hen.

its been a week of good intentions that have generally failed quite miserably and now, as the sun sets on the work week- we are left utterly exhausted.

besides needing a nap (and choosing to blog instead of taking one) today, it is also the tenth month of my small baby boys birth.

ten months since i went in to labor at chipotle and couldnt eat my veggie burrito bowl (such a waste).

ten months since they tried to stop my labor but you decided to come anyways.

ten months since your sweet and tiny face was pressed against mine for the first time.

ten months with you, cutie.

the last time i recalled ten months since the birth of my child was ten months without Campbell.

its hard to see how much time has gone by and how much our life has changed.

there are moments in each day where it hits me hard; we are continually moving forward without her.

carrick will never know his big sister.

jackson still "remembers" her and we talk about her freely and often, but the more we grow and change, the further from her life i feel we go.

which is true, its just not ideal.

and then i look at this sweet face and i am overwhelmed with gratefulness.

and his health, and happiness and how he lights up our home.

so to you carrick james, happy ten months bubs!

and to my sweet campbell, i miss you desperately and wish you could meet your baby brother.

i love you both,

mom

weekender {easter edition}

happy easter!

i hope you had a wonderful passover, good friday and easter He is Risen!

we were back and forth between beach, birthday parties, a movie date night that included running out of the theatre when baby was awake and in need then going right back an hour later (free babysitting!), celebrating my moms birthday with some lunch, shopping and cupcakes, a certain little brother learning to pull up, delicious roasted eggplant dip, outdoor haircuts, jbear having some serious meltdowns but rebounding with a money filled egg hunt.

we all slept in this morning and had a little pizza lunch date.

a busy weekend followed by a slow start monday, ill take it.

(not pictured: husband, older child, mother and any other person we interacted with. oops)

good friday.

photo by sarah morris of 1313

oh man, time is flying. i dont even know what im doing; wake up, school, dishes, laundry, nursing, errands just the normal stuff but it seems to be sucking the day out of my time the past two weeks. anyways, tomorrow is Good Friday and my mom and friend sarah birthdays! i am just popping in to say hello and happy Easter to you and that next week will be back to "normal"*.

*and if you cant ride the un-normal that is this blog, sorry.

we are a family.

a few weeks ago, my great friend sarah come to lakeland.

we drank copious amounts of coffee, laughed a ton (as usual), and she happily ate my quinoa, raw veggie and sprouted lentil- mistake of a meal. 

sarah is one of my most honest and genuinely treasured friends.

(do i sound like an old lady?ehhhh, oh well)

she is so talented and the fact that we had fun with a 4 year old and 8 month old doing this, shows just how good she is.

hire her ;)

did i mention she is single?

and now, for your viewing (pleasure?).

i am so thankful to have these. 

go here to see more.

and thank you sarah, we love you!

9.

today this little munchkin is 9 months old.

what?!

carrick, you have filled our home with joy these past nine months.

your adorably goofy teeth make me melt every time you smile.

you think your dad hung the flippin moon

and that your brother is the funniest person in the world.

you are my happy, crawling little snugglebug 

and we love you to bits.

happy 9 months munchkin!

love, mama (which you say!)

weekender {spring break edition}

this past week was jacksons "spring break" ( its only pre school so he isnt dying for a break from his academia or anything) and for me, that has always signaled the beginning of beach season which really means; time to relax and act like its summer!

so i took a little blogging break and we got busy being spring break-y!

next year, of course i will take them down to miami to troll for ladies but this year, well it just didnt seem appropriate. (joke!)

we started off the week with beignets from the poor porker

went "hiking" and fishing with skallie

hit up st pete beach with some friends

hung out at my parents house and returned to the pool!

went strawberry picking with our neighbors

celebrated st patrick day (its practically my dads day!) with a bbq

swam some more

then grilled out at home

all in all, a pretty great flippin week!

wednesday: what we baked

Flour-less Almond Butter Cookies

1 cup organic, all natural (just nuts and salt) almond butter

1/2 tsp pure almond extract

1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract

1 cup honey or brown sugar

1 egg

1 tsp baking soda

Bake at 350 for 8 min. The cookies will look set but not done, let them cool before transferring off the baking sheet. If you want something a little different, try spreading some organic raspberry preserves on them, so so good. Enjoy!

the reason these are flour-less (because maybe you were wondering) is because i have been doing the GAPS diet for the past month which is a starch/sugar/dairy restrictive diet, intended to heal leaky gut. (im not crazy, just ask summer)

anyways, these cookies are delicious!

we do almond butter because jbear is peanut allergic but you could easily sub peanut butter in- just leave out the extracts!

so make these today!